Decisions, decisions

I am not a wimp.  I am fearless at decision making and make them without any apologies. 

Today I stumbled and became afraid? What is behind the fear?  What is really keeping me back?   Sadly, I acknowledge it is the court of public opinion.

No one ever understands my decisions.  No one understood why I left my “good” job to stay at home and free-lance.  No one understood that the choices before me were to get sick or leave the job.  “What do you mean?” they asked

No one understood my decision to leave the energy sector that pays the highest wages, to work in an insurance company.  “Most people want to get into energy, why are you leaving?”

People balked at the idea of me writing a book, “A book?” And the list goes on.  I never doubt myself because I know that these decisions are about me and me only.  When people ask me why or say how could you, it does not bother me.  I have no responsibility to them nor do I owe them an explanation.  I know that if the decision blows up in my face I am ok with that and I will make another decision that clears the smoke away.

Now that I am making decisions that affect others I am fearful.  I feel nauseous; upset that other people will be hurt and consider what others will say.  Now I have to remind myself that though others may be involved the decision is still about me.  I will be affected.  I will have to live with the outcomes as I have done with all my other decisions, no one needs to understand or agree with it, because I am the only one who has to bear the consequences. 

Today it is back to basics.  I am not a wimp, I am fearless, I am great at making decisions, even those that affect other people.  There will be pain, the pain is temporary and in the long run we all will be ok.  It’s the public who will remember the decision and share opinions among themselves.  This does not affect my decisions.  The public has never understood what I do and to explain why is to ask them to change too many core beliefs and negate all assumptions.  So I decide to stand alone in this decision making, knowing that I always do what is best for me and that I usually get it right.

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4 thoughts on “Decisions, decisions

  1. My husband teases me that the less I make, the more I seem to enjoy a job. He may be right, but I am an artist at heart, and when I was working in the corporate world I was terribly unhappy. Do what you love, if at all possible, and not only will you be happier, but so will the people around you.

  2. Thanks Lorijo. Writing is what I love and I am doing it. I am straddling the Corporate World still, hoping that one day I can do as you and write. I truly appreciate the words of encouragement

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