Camera Shy – Day 23, Blog 23

Today I took pictures for the cover of my book – Lead Your Team To Win.  The photos were due on August 11, and I kept pushing back the deadline date.  I came up with all sorts of excuses, I wanted a particular photographer, I was traveling and I went on, until the publisher insisted that the book cover needs an author picture.  After several roll-eye-and-groan moments I started making the arrangements.

It is amazing how an ordinary request set off a chain of reactions for me.

I never pose for pictures. I tend to be the one taking them, capturing other people as they have fun. I say that I don’t need pictures, for the memories live on in my head.  I have never taken a selfie and I guarantee you that all my Facebook pictures, save for my profile pic, were tagged.

I am trying to remember why I stopped taking pictures and when.  I noticed that as I grow older the pictures have become less and less.  I have moved from the girl smiling brightly up at the camera in different poses, to the woman who hides in the furthest part of the frame.

How strange is that? When did I stop enjoying pictures?  This is scary stuff.  What worried me most was that I didn’t know what made me stop.  I was left pondering. 

The photographer had one free day – today and I had one free hour – lunchtime.   

It was hard to relax in front of the camera, until I developed the rhythm, “Talk, smile, open eyes”.  As I talked, I relaxed and smiled, then I had to open my eyes because they hide when my smile is too wide.  The more I chanted, the more I relaxed and then the answer came to me.

I stopped taking pictures when I started to worry about how I looked.  I stopped taking pictures when I put on a few extra pounds and did not like the way that I looked.  I stopped taking pictures when I was confused about life and the path to take.  I stopped taking pictures when I saw sadness in my eyes. I stopped taking pictures when I did not like my life.

That was a long time ago, but I still behave as if it is in the present. I have stayed making an old decision that has nothing to do with my current situation.  I have absolutely ignored the evidence of the recent images of myself and dwelled in the past.  I have not moved on. WOW! I have been ruled by an old decision that is no longer relevant. 

So now I resolve – Let me take a selfie

What do you think when you see a picture of yourself?  What decision did you make based on the past?  Is it relevant?

4 thoughts on “Camera Shy – Day 23, Blog 23

  1. The blogs are all interesting, thought provoking and even at times funny….but this hit me in the gut. Very brave story to share.

    P.S. I think you photograph beautifully – what a smile!

  2. Leah, that is the scary part of the blogging. The stories are popping out. The great thing about the blogging is that I am braver and braver to say it and move right along. Thanks for the compliment!

  3. I’ve found that since I’ve turned 50, I can barely look at pictures of myself. I try not be so vain, but it’s tough because pictures don’t lie. Anyway, the crazy part is, when I’m 60 I’ll look back at the pictures I’m taking now and think, Wow, I looked pretty good. 🙂

  4. Lorijo, thanks for sharing this. I have seen your pictures, you look pretty good and even better you look happy

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