“Hey,” he greeted me, “I saw you yesterday and I am seeing you again today and you are doing the same thing. You are standing quietly. Are you still meditating?”
I recognised him immediately and said, “Yes, I remember you. How are you?”
The day before, as I bade the sun farewell on the beach, he stopped to ask “Are you meditating? You have been standing still for a while?”
Today, after our exchange, I was in absolute glee.
I normally describe myself as Hyper; not the can’t-sit-still, physical type of hyperactive, but the can’t-stop-thinking type. It is my mind that is hyper, always racing from one thought to another, building stories, creating fiction out of facts and generating theories about everything and everyone. Sometimes my mind chatters on and on throughout the night as it seeks out new thoughts and scenarios. The overactive mind, keeps my body up at nights, it manifests itself in nervous energy that I display and I experience it as anxiety.
It is difficult for me to keep still and even my facial expressions are in constant flux as I response to the mind’s thoughts. I often exchange words with it which others misinterpret as me talking to myself.
I often give up, I cannot keep up with it. My mind literally has a mind of its own.
Since my mini meltdown earlier this week I have set some boundaries for my wandering mind. I have been paying attention to where it goes and when I feel it racing ahead of the moment I deliberately yank it back to the present time. I am intentionally reducing the anxiety that is created when the mind catapults to where I want to be without reconciling where I am.
I have kept it harnessed in the now giving it very little wiggle room to travel to where it wants to be.
Hence, the reason I was pleased with the man’s observations. He observed that I was still; which means that there was an absence of my normal twitchiness, or facial expressions, and I was not talking to myself.
He provided a mirror, so that I now know that my efforts are paying off.
I have no interest in his conclusion, if he is comfortable rationalizing my stillness as mediation so be it.
I am only interested in the facts. Someone who knows nothing about me saw me on two separate occasions and made the same observation – you are still. Small thing for mankind, giant step for Maxine.
Today I received a gift from a stranger – incentive to keep going, positive feedback on my attempts.
I am invigorated to maintain the commitment and stay in the present time.
Where does your mind take you? How does it manifest itself?