I have had a lot on my mind for the last week. So when I got to Jamaica last Sunday and realized that I needed to go to the hotel lobby to post a blog I said, ‘Forget it,” and rolled over.
When I returned to Trinidad, I confessed, I did not want to blog because I did not want to complete my unfinished thoughts. I was not reconciled with them so I could not hang them out in the public domain. Since these were sensitive topics I could not air them until I had digested them and made sense of them. I was not at peace with them so I did not want to fight myself in cyberspace and say things that I could not recall or would later prefer not to remember. There was too much to digest,too much to chew on without choking.
In the 100 days of blogging I learnt that my fingers have a life of their own. I never really know what will come out on the other end when they start blogging, so when I am dealing with sensitive issues I prefer not to blog. Yet I can say that I missed blogging, I missed the tapping of thoughts, the clarity it offers and the closure that marked the end of a day for the last three months. I like blogging because it keeps me honest, as it forces me to reconcile the things that I do not want to deal with.
Hence the reason that I decided to just stop blogging. Not to give up, just stop for a bit.
So I stopped and I rested. As I rested, I stopped thinking. As I stopped thinking I did not plan what comes next. As I did not plan, I surrendered and asked for guidance and strange things happened. New thoughts rushed in and new ideas emerged. New opportunities knocked on my door and exciting requests were made of me. Eventually I felt the energy rising, I felt the swell of excitement return and last night though I did not quite feel ready I posted a safe blog.
I had my time away, and now I am back. I remain unreconciled but now I trust that my fingers will lead me to wherever they think that I should go. I will let them write their tales. I will surrender to their renditions as I know them to be true. What are you not facing today? What would it be like if you stopped thinking about it?