Removing the fence

I have been living the last week in the hazy world of post Carnival wrap up, liming with the last of the tourists, pretending that my schedule is as theirs, with the late nights and all that those bring.
Today, as I bid farewell to the last of the stragglers I appreciate that for the last five weeks, I have strayed far from my routine. It’s been years since I have had the luxury of an extended down time, packaged with extreme fun and lived with a carefree attitude. The time has been unscheduled, events happened without my planning and everything has worked without my interference or intervention. It was a strange, wonderful and magical place to exist in.
Yet, I miss my routine, I miss the control that it offers and the calm of a pedantic day. I miss the tired satisfaction of a day spent working on a project and the adrenaline rush of a tight deadline. I miss the routine because it is what I know, it is familiar and guarantees successful outcomes.
Even as I write about the routine, I feel a change in my chest space which signals reluctance to return to a singularly focussed, routine, disciplined, deadline driven life.
Tonight I am on the fence, giddy from the experience of going with the flow while looking back at the neat rows of achievements generated by the discipline of the routine.
I cannot choose one above the other for both serve me well.
I rejected the thought of living routinely from Monday to Friday and living without a care on the weekends. That is a recipe for a split personality, and living a duality; it feels unbalanced, untidy and unhealthy.
I realize that I want both every day. I want to make my plans and execute them, and I want to follow a random thread and see where it leads. I want both fun and mundane, both to be excited by what will happen and to be sure of what comes next. I am going to have both. I am going to live a life that is led by what happens even as I execute plans and deliver results to deadlines. There is no fence and no separation, both routine and flow coexist. Let’s see how it goes.

Do you have a routine? How do you leave room for the magical moments?

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