Nothing will break

I am not a liar, I do not lie. When asked a question, I tell the truth. When I relay an event I do not embellish, I stick with what I saw and heard and I
distinguish my opinions from the events. I do not lie by omission. I offer up what I know when I think that leaving it out will create material differences to the story. I have opinions which I readily share on almost everything. It is a conscious decision – not to lie – that I regularly practice to maintain the truth telling habit.
Despite being a truth teller, I am not always honest, because I often don’t say what is in my heart.
Sometimes after an encounter, a feeling will emerge and I realize that I never acknowledged nor spoke about it. Then I feel down, for betraying myself and not representing myself fully. I realize that while I spoke the truth I was dishonest, both to myself and the others involved.
This dishonesty of mine has been on my mind for the last two weeks. I started blogging about it, but was unresolved. The thought created an impasse that very few others (thoughts) could squeeze past. I had to wait for it to clear.
Last week in the middle of a meeting, he asked, “I have heard from your head, what’s in your heart?”
I was about to facetiously comment that he read my book, when I understood that he wanted an honest comment. I restarted and shared what was in my heart. When I returned to my desk I noted that nothing changed, I did not feel exposed, weak, scared or ashamed. I felt complete; I represented myself and my peer had a better understanding of my decisions.
Last night in the middle of a conversation my friend asked, “So is that what’s in it?’
“In what?” I asked.
“Your heart?”
I grew silent, then he said, “Tell me what’s in your heart. Nothing will break.”
When he said it, I found the answer. Two people from different places in my life both wanted to understand more than what was in my head, they were genuinely interested in what I was feeling. They wanted to understand all and not part of me. When I shared what was in my heart I knew that they understood me completely and I, in turn, was in complete agreement with what I shared.
I have been shirking my responsibility to others and myself by not coming from my heart. I have been dishonest by not stating my heart truth. I have been giving half truths. Only my head was engaged; I have been a talking truthful head, rattling on without a heart.
Now I can commit, moment by moment to be honest. I will let the honesty of my heart meet the truth of my head and nothing will break.

Where in your life are you dishonest?


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