I am a happy person…now, for there was a time in my life when I was not happy. The sadness that dwelled within me as a kid lessens the older that I get. Hence the reason that I cannot identify with people who yearn for teenage years or are nostalgic about songs that played when they were growing up. I don’t go to reunions where peers reminisce about the good old days. They were not good old days for me.
When I was a kid all I wanted to do was grow up. When I was a teenager all I wanted to do was grow up. I felt powerless as a kid; I did not argue, I towed the line and waited to grow up so that nobody and no one could tell me what to do.
I spent my adult life, doing the things that I needed to do to ensure that I did not feel that way. Whenever I felt that I was in a position of powerlessness – in a relationship, a job or any other part of my life – I moved away from the scenario.
Yesterday I was taken to that place of powerlessness and I could mot move away from it. The Police Service of Trinidad and Tobago embarked on a “total policing” program, that resulted in grid lock traffic jams across the nation. As a result, less than 25% of my peers made it to the office, schools were closed unexpectedly, commuters walked and every where people were denied the freedom of movement. While the gurus have yet to calculate the economic costs of the action I am certain that the bill is in the tens of millions.
There was nothing that I could do to change the situation. Most of the nation were stopped in our tracks powerless to move, until the police said so.
As the day progressed I felt the numbness of old return, I felt the sluggishness that inertia brings and the sleepiness that tells me that I have no interest. There was nothing that I could do to change the police’s behaviour. I could not move away because this is where I live, these are the streets that I drive on.
At the end of the day, I reminded myself that I am still the same person that I was before “total policing” and that I had a choice how I could let it affect me. This morning I reminded myself again that I could choose how this affects me. This afternoon, the funk lifted and I slowly moved back to normal. Tonight I am left aware of how easily I went to that place of powerlessness and I am mindful that I need to reflect on that. Tonight I am grateful for choice and the power to make decisions.
What do you do when you are powerless?