Whenever I see him, he looks at me and I look straight through him. He no longer exists for me and months ago I told him why. I told him that I heard that he says unpleasant things about me and that I no longer need for him to pretend that he is my friend. He protested “Max, you know that we are friends. Why would I” Before he could finish, I cut him short and calmly said ,“This is what I want. When you see me, pretend that you never knew me, pass me straight, do not tell me hello and do not talk to me. No hard feelings.”
With that statement, I wrapped up that relationship and now he nor the things that he says about me bother me. I still see him, since we share the same colleagues and often attend the same social events. Now I experience no discomfort when I see him because he is no longer part of my world. He stays on his side of the street and I remain on mine. That for me is closure, there is no doubt in either his mind or mine how our relationship is to proceed.
When I woke up this morning with the word closure on my mind, I paid attention. I realized that I have some unfinished business with a few people and I was not being forward about it. I was ignoring the need for closure and the burden of the unfinished business is growing heavier and heavier on my mind.
These closures will not be as dramatic as that with my former colleague. They may be an unsaid apology, an unfinished conversation or a true heartfelt expression about a past event. They are like leftovers on a plate, grown hard with time. I need to scrape the gunk off and wash the plates to see what will remain. Some of the plates will be restored and others broken beyond repair.
I have been playing it safe, reconnecting with people whom I like, and now its time to turn it up a notch and actively close out some relationships that have been hanging on a thread.
What relationships do you need to close out?