South Africa and I

I have not written for the last two weeks. I reposted other people’s stuff to maintain commitment, but I have not been writing.
I was sad about the events in South Africa – the xenophobia or Afro phobia that resulted in the deaths of seven people and the mutilation of many more and therefore I could not write.
I have been to South Africa and was blown away by the beauty of Cape Town, the lushness of the wine country and was taught the true meaning of humility at Krueger Park.
Now I have seen the other side of that beautiful face and was reminded of the harsh reality that often lies behind beautiful facades. Once South Africa removed her veneer, I was forced to remove mine. I have spent the last three weeks confronting areas of my life where a beautiful facade hides a not so pretty pattern and I have been reeling from the revelations.
I have been honest. I accept my ugly. I have felt the shame, the guilt, the pain, the hurt, the sadness and the anger that goes with the exposing and acknowledging. Now I have released all that emotion and am learning new behaviors to replace old habits.
The last two weeks have been a farewell party, and a pity party. I have removed the facades and am dealing with the real me. No hiding, no running, this is it.
As South Africa heals, I too will heal. As she deals with her truth and reconciles the despair, hurt and anger, so too shall I. We have both exposed our ugly, we are both hopeful about a truly beautiful tomorrow and we are both working to clean it up.

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