Sarah wrote me, “I notice you have not posted for a while. I hope that all is well”
I truly appreciated the comment and her concern. She was not alone in reaching out to me, others have met me and expressed similar thoughts.
The truth is – I’ve been asleep for the last 5 months. I woke up each morning and completed tasks yet I was asleep. While I functioned at the required level, I would be uncharacteristically tired at the end of the day so I went to bed and rested.
I’ve lived my life as a night owl – believing that I do my best work in the dead of the night. Yet I was yawning by 6.00 p.m and sleeping through the night.
I felt the guilt of not doing, and the old tapes played, “Get up.” “Don’t be lazy.” Why are you wasting your talent?” The weariness drowned out the voices, smothered any thoughts of doing… so I rested. The more I rested the more I needed to rest… so I rested.
It was a strange place to be, between sleep and wake, functioning in a haze, not doing anything extra, not planning, not writing, not reading, and it was stranger to not want to be doing.
Sometime in April, I stretched and realized that I was up. New energy coursed though my body and the fatigue was gone.
Being up now, it’s different. I sense a shift. I have no energy for long term plans, I have no interest in anything grand. I am here in the moment, experiencing the now, fascinated by the mundane. I’m experiencing my world at a slow pace for a sustained period and I am liking it.
My slumber was a gift – I woke up knowing that I am each day serving my purpose. I do not need to do anymore. I’ve done enough and I am enough.
I am Maxine Attong. I am what I am – friend, coach, sister, facilitator, aunt, accountant, child, author, leader, speaker – and so much more. I am enough.