A series of unfortunate and weird events occurred over the last two weeks – I received a strange phone call, an unannounced visitor appeared on my porch and I witnessed the deconstruction of a well-worn mask.
Each of these events could have been scripted for reality TV, the contents were juicy, they were inappropriate in context and each could have led to cataclysmic events. Yet they each ended calmly.
Why? Because I responded to each of them calmly. I listened to what was being said, ignored the tones, clarified misperceptions, answered questions honestly and truthfully, and stayed in the moment as the events unfolded.
It’s not that I wasn’t angry. Each event was an intrusion, a violation of sorts, and happened because a man/woman decided to encroach on my sanctity to fulfill his/her needs.
My anger heightened my awareness of what was off-key in each situation and helped me to define boundaries for the other person.
In replaying the scenes I recognized that each person in these unfolding dramas was operating from a position of hurt. I know that
Hurt people make decisions and act from a position of hurt.
Hurt people have singular vision – they see only one dimension
Hurt people wear blinkers – there is no bigger picture
Hurt people are always the victim
Hurt people hurt others
Hurt people want to suck you in to their drama
Hurt people want you to hurt them
Hurt people create opportunities for you to hurt them
How do I know? Because I was once a hurt person, displaying my hurt for all to see.
How do you see the hurt in others and in yourself?
Maxine Attong is the author of two business books – Change or Die – The Business Process Improvement Manual and Lead your Team to Win. She is a speaker, coach, Organisational Development consultant and of course an accountant.