Celebrating Others

I know that there are things that you want to do in your life, that you have not done yet and today I want to encourage and support you to get them done. When I want to do something, I find comfort in the stories of people who have done the very thing that I want to do and celebrate their achievements.
To celebrate these people I have to move beyond the knee jerk reaction of being jealous. When I feel jealous I am petulantly saying, “I wanted to do that, and I did not. I am annoyed that someone else got it done, before I did.” Jealousy is a great clue, that tells me to get off my butt and start moving. Sometimes jealousy can be heavy, creating a thick fog that makes it hard to move. Our duty is to cut through the jealousy so that we can blow it away and create a path for movement.
What works for me? I joyously celebrate when others achieve the things that I want. Their success is a positive and tangible sign that my dreams are possible and can be achieved. I say to myself “If they can do it, I can do it as well.” While I celebrate with and for them, I create positive energy that gives me the momentum to move forward. The accolades, the praises that they get, encourage me to do more, since it’s just a matter of time when I will be in that place.
In the spirit of practice, I am inviting you to celebrate three female authors from Trinidad and Tobago. I am wonderfully connected to each of them in different ways and I only have positive feelings of joy for them and their works.
I am also inviting all closet writers (male and female) to feed off the energy that they have created and get your books published.

Akosua Dardaine Edwards- Recently launched her second book “Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here?’ Her first book is “What Did I learn Today?”

Carolyn Correira – Her first Book is “ Thinking out Loud” and I know that she is about to launch her second book.

Pauline Cooper – Her first publication “Tell Them” is now out.

Who are you celebrating today?

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How to create a Safe space for your prospects and clients

Today I chatted for 21 minutes with Connie Kadansky, a sales reluctance coach who helps salespeople get their “ask”in gear.
She hosts a podcast and today I was her first international guest. Click on the link below, right below this sentence, to listen to the entire interview.

Maxine Attong chats with Connie Kadansky on how salespersons can create a safe space

This is a quick preview of the questions and answers.
Tell us about the safe space and how it generates optimal performance?
It is in the space where we challenge ourselves and take risks that optimal performance lies.

How can a sales person use the safe space with the client?
Safe space promotes the creation of a relationship.

How does the client benefit from the safe space?
Client is going for clarity, what they want and why they want it. I need to show them why what I am selling is what they want.

How does the sales person benefit from the safe space?
The sales person is the leader in the relationship. They need to take charge of a new type of relationship built on trust. They can create a new dynamic and construct a new reality.

What is the core mindset that the sales person needs to embrace?
Showing up all the time at as an honest person. The partner of honesty is trust. The sales person needs to show up every day being consistently honest and consistently trustworthy.

Tell us about the core motive
Motive is a good place to check where we are coming from in relation to others.

How is the safety of the space, once created, maintained?
There is nothing fuzzy about the safe space. The rules maintain the space.

How can the listeners learn more about the safe space?
Buy the book on Amazon or on Barnes and Noble

Chronic Liars – Aren’t they flushed out pretty early?
We need to ask ourselves “Do I want to be in relation with this person?”

Talk to me about my situation. Am I being judgemental?
Trust your gut. You had an experience, you had a reaction what does it tell you.

As a keynote speaker describe your best audience?
People who are leaders or aspiring to be.

Do you have any questions about the safe space?

First Review – 4 Stars – Blog 60

What other way can I celebrate 60 days of Blogging than to post John Gibbs’ Review of my new book Lead Your Team To Win – Achieve Optimal Performance by Providing a Safe Space for Employees.

John writes a blog – Leading Business Books – at which he reviews the leading business books that he has read and he is from Australia.  I do not know him, have never met him and am unsure if I ever will.  I consider John more evidence of how connected we all are and that people are always willing to give.   John’s review can be found on Amazon and of course on his blog.  I have included both links for your reading pleasure.

http://leadingbusinessbooks.com/one-way-to-improve-trust-and-communication-in-your-team/

http://www.amazon.com/review/R13LC5ZGS4HZCJ

Purchase the book – Lead Your Team To Win on October 3rd to access free ebooks and other downloads

Take the Safe Space Quiz http://bit.ly/safespacequiz

Register for the Important and Free Webinar  http://bit.ly/LeadYourTeamWebinar

Being Human. Day 52

I never understood what people meant when they say, “It is difficult to connect with you.” I have some wonderfully amazing people in my life, who are not going anywhere, but what about all the other persons I have not connected with?

I have been unable to resolve statements about my being distant since I know myself as a deeply passionate person with a great desire for connections.  As a result I have been often hurt by these statements.

Today I finally understood the meaning of those statements when a woman explained her experiences of me.  She said that today was the first time that she felt close to me and could see my humanity. She said that she always saw me as having a plan A, a plan B and even a plan C and explained that even though I extend myself to people it never comes across as real because there is no real point of contact. She ended by contrasting these previous experiences of me with the one she had today when she saw my vulnerability and fell in love with me.  In that moment she felt connected to me.

I understand what she means logically but I am confused by her confession. Why would someone not understand that because I have it together I do not have humanity.  In a flicker I felt anger.  Then I asked myself what is the anger telling me?

The answer was slow in coming.  I hold both my logical rational mind and my emotional vulnerable heart, but the truth is I often do not show both.  I only show my mind to the world, I love cautiously, I anger slowly and I keep my passion for my writing.  I present half of myself to the world while I keep the other part safe, basking foolishly in the assumption that people know that the other half is there.

What I cannot see I do not know.  What I do not know I cannot love. What I cannot love I can only fear.  When I fear I cannot connect.

I put myself in the shoes of others and imagine that all they see of me is  the achiever, the go getter, the practical rational logical decision maker without any trace of the human that I am.

All of this just leaves me thinking.  How do I show that vulnerable part of myself?  How do I show the world both sides of me?  What do I hold out to the rest of humanity so that they can connect with all of me?

How do you show your vulnerability?  How do you connect with the humanity in others?

Friday Night Limes – Day 26, Blog 26

I am from Trinidad and Tobago, a twin island republic in the Caribbean, where we have a strong tradition of the Friday Night lime.  A lime can be a noun – as in we are going to a lime, or it can be a verb – we are going to lime.  Whether it is a noun or a verb we know what to expect – some drinks, perhaps some cutters (finger food) and lots of talk.  Music is not a necessity, but when the music is good and the mood is right, a lime can convert to a party.

A lime can happen anywhere – at home, your favorite bar or at the office.  It is the great equaliser, as the office boy and the CEO can be part of the same lime.

We Trinis say “That was a nice lime.”  This means that everyone had a good time and that we were either part of a group or that many smaller limes were sharing the same space at the same time. 

Limes can be fluid.  You can start liming with one group of people and end the night with another group.  A lime can also migrate – start at one place, then move to another – growing or declining as it moves.

A lime has no timeframe of limit.  It can start as an after work lime and end at 5.00 a.m. in the morning.  

There are boys’ limes and girls’ limes, when partners stay at home and give the other half some breathing room to hook up with their friends and safely flirt.  Most times its mixed comprised of both males and females.

A lime can get pretty rowdy, after all is not juice we drinking. The performance of the West Indies cricket team, World Cup Football or any topical event heats up the debate.  Never be surprised at the eloquence of the debaters or the statistics and historical facts that they can spout. 

You can also hear some incredibly good stories of risks taken, accidents that were survived, courageous acts or random dumb things that people did or said when sober or under the influence.

There is no requirement to join a lime, just hold a glass in your hand and sip a drink.  Forget about your title, your troubles, the money that you do or do not have, just show up and have a good time. 

This evening I went to a lime at a little bar up the road from where I work. It was a farewell lime , since a co worker resigned to take up another appointment. There were a dozen of us around the table and others floated in and around us.  We talked and laughed as we exchanged stories and teased each other.  I spent three hours liming with these people who I barely knew ( I met most of them today) and had a great time.  When they announced that they were moving to another watering hole I bid them farewell.

What do you do on a Friday night?

My Routine Life – Day 24, Blog 24

I live my life in routine.  Little circles of activities or events that are preset and tell me where I am.  They anchor me, so that even when I drift it is easy to reset and rechart the course.

It’s the way that I roll, achieve and get things done.

Sometimes the routine is a way to stave off chaos and maintain balance.  Each week I put gas in the car, go to the grocery, do house hold chores and once a year I attend the medical check up.

When I am writing, I determine when I am going to write and set that into my routine.  I juggle other events to make room for the new element. It does not happen naturally; I deliberately set it up that way. 

New patterns are like new shoes, we have to walk in them until we can get comfortable in them.  It is only when the pattern is worn that we can relax into them.

It is interesting how other people respond to my patterns. People meet me where I am in my routine and decide who I am because of what I do.  When I break the routine, they become confused because their assumptions about me become invalid.  I have heard “ You have changed,” “You never used to…”, “ I never knew that about you”

People accuse me of changing the rules of the game, but the game is not who I am.

I have empathy for people who meet me and assume that what I do is who I am. I get their confusion when I step out of their pre-labelled box. I understand that it is no longer easy for them to predict what I will do, as they adjust to my new routine. I am also impatient with people like this because they focussed on my routine and not on who I am.  They have not listened to me nor have they taken the time to know me.  

I am a routine shifter, I take on patterns that help me achieve what I want. My routine takes the shape of what is important to me at any point in time.  What was center stage in 2013, is in the wings in 2014.  The routine that I build to get me to where I want to be is not who I am.  

What confuses people about you?  What do you do that people think they know you?

Preview

My hobby these days is checking out Amazon.  Its all about the book!  I don’t look for it by name (Change or Die the Business Process Improvement Manual).  I select Books Department and type in my name  Maxine Attong and am just thrilled when it appears.  It really feels good.  Today I did that and I could preview the book.  Tonnes of content is on Amazon for free! So check it out.  I was crazy thrilled to see it. Take a peek and enjoy – yes send me feedback!!